"What Am I Missing?"

I should probably be writing this blog post outside. A couple of weeks ago, I went for my yearly physical with a new physician. This means getting to know someone new and developing a relationship that will be essential to helping me know how healthy I am living as well as how I can grow into the stewardship of my mind, body, and soul. Of course, as part of this process, I had to do all the annual bloodwork that is required. We tested my levels of sugar, cholesterol, and inflammation, the whole gamut. A couple of days ago, I sat down via FaceTime with my doctor and listened to the results. Some of it was not surprising; in other words, lay off the French fries occasionally. But something absolutely floored me and caught me off guard.

“Your vitamin D is low, Alex, it’s like it’s really low”. I commented that I don’t really drink milk or eat a lot of dairy because I’m lactose intolerant. “That’s not what I’m talking about. What I mean is that at a basic level, you are not getting enough sunlight.”

I had to take a moment to contemplate what this meant and if I could actually believe it. After all, this is Florida, I live in the Sunshine State. How can I not be getting enough sunlight? But still in black-and-white were the test results. Something was definitely missing, causing certain areas of my health to suffer.

My health can be one of the most challenging areas in which I struggle to accept accountability. We live in our bodies every single day. We eat, we drink, we go about our daily lives. Our health is also distinctly personal; allowing somebody else to comment on our health makes us vulnerable and open to critique. Who was this doctor to tell me where I was deficient or that I needed to change a particular habit? But she did pose an interesting question as a follow-up. “Alex, how often do you actually go outside?” 

And that’s when it hit me. If going outside meant leaving my house, getting into my car, arriving at work, entering my office, and then occasionally leaving my office to walk to the parish hall, then I have most certainly been going outside. But if going outside allows the sunshine to touch my skin in a meaningful way and spend time in the creation that God has given us for our health and well-being, then I confess I have not been going outside enough.

After I finished that FaceTime call, the first thing I did was walk out into my parish’s Memorial Garden and sit down on a bench. It was cloudy outside, and the sun couldn’t be found, but the intention was there. Recognizing that there’s something missing in my life is the first and most challenging step to reaching out for it. Sunlight is a great example. The sun is there all day. It is beaming down, trying to give me what I need to be healthy. And I am too busy to receive it. 

Sunlight is also a great metaphor. This organic machine, a gift from God, requires that we provide it with the nutrients, exercise, and rest that will not only enable it to survive but also thrive. And the most basic task we have is to be in the light. I wasn’t paying full attention to why I was feeling fatigued. It took help from someone who knows about the human body to help me see what I was missing. 

"And it’s here that I feel that we need the strongest reminder that we were not created merely to exist. We were made to grow, evolve, and thrive."

And it’s here that I feel that we need the strongest reminder that we were not created merely to exist. We were made to grow, evolve, and thrive. It begs the question: “What other things am I missing in my life that are preventing me from living into the fullness of basic health?” For many clergy, there is a deep longing for holistic health —a health that encompasses the body, mind, and soul. It is a health that makes us vibrant and hopeful about the possibilities that lie ahead. 

I often feel that I do not pray enough, meditate on scripture enough, or serve the poor enough to feel spiritually healthy. I desire a deep connection with God, often the kind of connection that I had before I was ordained. However, the desire for that connection often clashes with the exhaustion of daily life and ministry. It is wrapped up in the reality of raising children and caring for elderly parents while also trying to feel a sense of normality within ourselves. 

The good news is that I am building trust with someone who is helping me recognize where I’ve fallen away from the health and wholeness to which God has called me. When I find what is lacking, I can work to bring it back into my life. Yes, I’m going to get more sunlight. I’m also going to take a healthy vitamin D supplement. I want to live in the light. I want to thrive. I feel blessed to be surrounded by people who share this desire as well. I know that isn’t everyone’s story. And if it isn’t your story, I want you to know there is someone here who is listening and ready to walk with you as you seek out what might be missing in your journey towards health and wholeness.