"Counting On One Hand"

Have you noticed that the concept of friendship changes as we get older? When we are younger, many of us want to have as many friends as possible. Going to a small Catholic school in South Florida, I considered every person in my class of 25 to be my friend. When I got to high school, I learned that friendship and makling friends was now mixed with the realities of adolescence and findine one’s identity. We identified the unique groups and factions that made up our the now much larger class of students. Finding our identity was a challenge, and it wasn’t static. I made a few close friends, but I still thought of most people in my school as people with whom I could be friendly. 

In college, my friend group became smaller, but the relationships were deeper. I began to understand the wisdom of one of my professors, who told me that in life we may have a sizable group of acquaintances, but we will treasure a group of friends that we can count on one hand. These are the friends who will answer that phone at 3 in the morning and come running to help without question. And you will do the same for them. 

Seminary reinforced this wisdom. While I treasure the time with everyone with whom I studied, I have held onto a handful of close friendships that sustain me in my personal life and my ministry to this day. These are some of the people I text everyday, make plans to go on retreats together, and feel comfortable bearing my soul. I’m also blessed to have friends who live and work near me with whom I can be myself, who can be those friends that you count on your hand. 

"As this year comes to an end and I try my best to catch my breath, I am realizing that I missed an important lesson along the way. The “one hand” rule can be applied to other things."

As this year comes to an end and I try my best to catch my breath, I am realizing that I missed an important lesson along the way. The “one hand” rule can be applied to other things. I love to work with a diverse group of people across a wide variety of ministries and projects. It’s in my nature to be curious about the world around me and to share in other people’s visions so that I can learn and grow. This has blessed me beyond words as I have gotten the opportunity to expand my horizons. But there’s also a danger to it. If I’m not careful, I can spread myself too thin. I can find myself involved in a great many things but not fully dedicated to the most important ones. 

This is where the “one hand” rule comes in. It isn’t just about listing my priorities but realizing that I am in a relationship with the things I choose to pour my time, energy, and soul into. Looking back on the year, I see that I have stretched and pulled like taffy, or rather like that Stretch Armstrong I got for Christmas one year and tried to push it to its limits. Let’s say it doesn’t fit around the car as I thought!

I feel that God is now calling me to focus my efforts where he has called me to live and serve. It’s with this in mind that I’m using the “one hand” rule to reorient my priorities. It won’t be a perfect list, and the list itself will adapt and evolve as my sense of call sharpens. But at the most basic level, five areas of life need my attention most. 

1. My relationship with God - It’s no secret that the busyness and business of life can pull us away from a life of prayer and oneness with God. This year has taught me that the busier I become, the less time I have to dedicate to strengthening my prayer life. If I am going to continue to love and serve God, I must first draw closer to God. I need to dwell in God’s presence. This will mean living more deeply into my life as a Friar and spending the time it takes to practice the presence of God. 

   
   

2. My relationship with my family - Clergy struggle to balance their ministerial lives with the needs of their family. There are lots of late nights, early mornings, and full weekends. As my wife and I are on the verge of an empty nest, I realize that I want to give more of myself to my family. It is easy to give lip service and say that my family is the most important thing to me. It’s quite another to practice some accountability and put in the work of being present. God called me to be a husband and father before he called me to be a priest. 

   
   

3. My ministry as a priest - After God and family, my greatest priority is my ministry to God through the care of the souls entrusted to me. I love what I do. I love to celebrate the sacraments, preach, teach, be present for those who are hurting or need encouragement, and share in the building of God’s kingdom. The challenge is that the work is never done. There is always more to do. This year has reminded me that God didn’t call just me to serve in this parish. There are so many people in my parish who are also hearing God’s call to serve. He is raising them up and filling them with the Holy Spirit. My work is to help equip them for ministry. Being a priest isn’t always about taking every shot on the court. Sometimes it’s about passing the ball and giving someone else the chance to score. This will mean working with my parish to set strong boundaries around my time while also letting them know I am there for them and that they can call me when they need help. As my faith community continues to grow, I want to be present and fully engaged to meet that call. 

My work as a priest also includes my work with the diocese. I love that this allows me to work in a variety of settings on any number of projects. I love advocating for the Hispanic population of our diocese, and seeing our Spanish-speaking faith communities continue to grow. It isn’t always easy to tell the Bishop “no,” but I need to draw firm boundaries here as well. 

4. My education and continued personal growth: I have been working on my Doctor of Ministry degree for the last several years. While I’ve been making progress, I admit that when push comes to shove, this is one of the first things to suffer. Being a student requires discipline and time, which can be casualties when we are stretched beyond our capacity. But this isn’t just about formal education. I want to continue to be curious about the world around me. I want to travel, have hobbies (what are those again), and more than anything, just be myself. 

   
   

5. Leaving one open and available - Because I tend to fill up whatever time and energy I have with more and more tasks, I think it’s important to leave one slot open for whatever God calls me to do next. Practicing that openness can be a real challenge. But it’s important to remember that we never go wrong offering ourselves, our time, and energy, as available to God. 

So what does this mean? It means that in this Advent season and into the new year, I will be letting certain things go or putting them on pause. Some of these tasks may not seem small, but when enough of them are put together, they become overwhelming. That’s why I am choosing to take a break from this blog and this project. I will still make myself available to any clergy person who wants to talk or seek spiritual direction. But the schedule of writing and publishing content has pulled me away from what matters most. 

As I take this pause, I want to thank everyone who reads and comments on these posts. I ask that you keep me in prayer as I seek that elusive balance we always talk about. I hope to return at the appropriate time with greater energy and ready to dedicate the time and energy into expanding the work of caring for those who minister to and care for others.