"I Don't Know"

A few years ago walked up to me and began to ask me a deep theological question about the nature and person of Jesus. “How does Jesus continue to have a real resurrected body while at the same time being in the place called heaven?” I pondered for a moment, stroked my chin, and then gave the most honest answer I could muster. 

“I don’t know,” I said. 

“What do you mean you don’t know?” they asked with a shocked look on their face. “Didn’t you go to school for this? Haven’t you read books and prayed for hours about this kind of stuff?”

“I have studied, read, and prayed and I can honestly say that I don’t know.” I replied. “But I can tell you that just because I don’t know or understand doesn’t mean that I believe any less. I still believe in the resurrection. I still believe that Jesus sits at God’s right hand. And I believe that one day Jesus will explain it to me. Whether or not I will understand is a whole other story.”

I can’t tell you how liberating it was to say that. 

One of the occupational hazards in the priestly vocation is the misconception that we know everything. We even have a phrase for it, “Father (or Mother) knows best.” If the priest says it then it must be true, it must be the word of God himself. And the misconception of the priest’s infallibility has elevated the clergy to a place above the flock instead of alongside it. Yes, the priest has studied and read. Yes they have been trained and equipped for the vocation. But that doesn’t mean that they know everything biblical, theological, pastoral, and spiritual. 

"Yes, the priest has studied and read. Yes they have been trained and equipped for the vocation. But that doesn’t mean that they know everything biblical, theological, pastoral, and spiritual." 

My wife called me out on this before I was even ordained a priest. She pointed out that when someone would ask me a question on a topic about which I had little to no knowledge that I would just start to hypothesize or pretend that I knew more than I did. 

“Just admit you don’t know,” she proclaimed. “There’s no need for B.S.”

 I think that many priests are afraid not to know the answer, not to be able to solve the problem. We may be suffering under the illusion that we have been called to be arbiters of truth when in reality we have been called to point to the one who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. We may have been convinced that we have been called to exhibit perfect lives when in reality we have been called to strive for perfection while acknowledging that our frail humanity reveals that we are as broken and in need of redemption as everyone else.  

Being liberated from the role of Father (or Mother) knows best means living free in a few ways. 

1. I am free to admit that I need to keep learning, keep growing in my knowledge and faith. One of the most dangerous things a priest can do is to stop learning. That doesn’t mean that you need to go out and get another degree or certification, though that’s not a bad idea. It means that we keep reading, keep immersing ourselves in the study of God’s Word as well as working to be in community with other clergy and lay people who are on a similar journey of exploration. 

2. We are free to allow others who are qualified to teach us and our flock. Many Episcopal Churches have a wealth of knowledge sitting in the pews. There are teachers, musicians, tradespeople, scientists, engineers, social workers, psychologists, and retired clergy who are just waiting to be empowered and given an opportunity to teach. The formation program of a parish should be one of the richest learning opportunities in your local community. But it takes humility in admitting that I need to learn from others and that I am not the only one called to teach. 

3. I am free to live in the mystery of the moment. During my Christian formation classes on the Eucharist I love to tell the people gathered there that every Sunday I stand at the altar and pray on behalf of the congregation that the Holy Spirit would come and transform the elements we have brought to God into the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ. I know that the Spirit comes and fulfills the promises given by Jesus. I know that Jesus is present in his Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity. But I admit that I have no idea how the Spirit moves or how Jesus does that. And that’s ok. Being free means that I get to enjoy the mystery of how God moves in the moment. 

I feel blessed that I’ve been given permission to be honest and say that I don’t know. In many ways it has strengthened my faith in knowledge in what I do know. It’s also given an opportunity for those who are on the same journey of exploration to know that they are not alone, that even their priest is still learning. And it’s given us freedom to invite all those in the community who do know something, who have been equipped, to share that part of themselves. And this will transform our faith community. 

What will happen next? I don’t know.